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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in safespace's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
1:43 pm
[queerunity]
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008
12:00 pm
[niseema]
Let's get this community back to life!!!!!
Hello everyone!

I am a Healer, and have been since 1996; however, right now I need support.





If anyone is here, can we please bring this community back to life? The reason it is here is really important for all of us!!!!!
Monday, December 31st, 2007
6:40 am
[sweetatheena]
Ok Safespace Here it goes...
       I am only sixteen now but i feel like i am 50. I have been through both physical and mental abuse. I AM a survivor.
My life of tragedy began when i was not yet 3, My mom was a stripper and she locked me and my two brothers in the basement while she partied away forgetting her 3 kids were even there. I remember walking out of the basement and seeing my mom dancing on the table naked. She then threw a beer bottle across some guys head. What a great memory of your mom huh?
      My life continued like that untill i was about 5 and the courts took me away from her and found my dad in Texas for me and my baby brother to lve with. When i moved in with dad things were good for awhile untill we moved in with my grandparents. One night when i was six my grandpa had too much to drink and he came in my room and started touching my breasts. this continued for quite some time. When i was 8 my dad got his own place again. Dad got married to my babysitter and they had a little girl. My dad worked alot and my babysitter who was now my "new" mom smoked pot and did cocain and went out. I was left to watch my newborn sister, 3 year old sister, and my 7 year old brother. 
      I was a makeshift mother at age 8 and when my dad and my babysitter divorced my baby sister who was three cried for me as her mom instead of her mom. I never thought after i went through 3 years of parenting when it wasn't my job and i was definantly not ready to be a parent. My dad was soon married to another woman. She had a daughter that was only a year younger than myself. We shared a bedroom and fought alot. It seemed like i was never ungrounded when her daughter was there because her daughter would do things and blame it on me. Of course mommy dearest would believe her daughter more than a kid she hardly knew. We moved to a city when i was 11 and it was ok for a while but then we moved back to a small town and I guess my dad only wanted two kids because he sent me away to live with my grandparents as if i didn't matter anymore in his life. 
     My grandpa started ouching me again and i was now 12 or 13 i don't remember. The touches were ill and he didn't stop with just my breasts this time he wanted me to dress "pretty" for him and he started touching my private. It went on untill last year. I turned 15. I was always afraid to say something to anyone because my grandpa would be mad. I finally told my friends only after i sunk into depression and started thinking of scuicide because who needs a kid that thinks poorly of themselves and highly of others just like her? 
   I tried commiting Scuicide twice and when they failed i started cutting. I gained weight fast and haven't been able to lose it. I recently met my mom after the 11 years we were apart and am living with her.
    Does anyone have any ideas how i can cope with the past to make me stronger in the future.?? How do i tell my  mom all of the things i remember about my past without her getting upset??
help please
<3 
Atheena

Current Mood: depressed
Sunday, December 30th, 2007
9:40 pm
[sweetatheena]
Ok
  I am new here and i have been having a hard time coping with my past. I hope i can talk about some of the things i have been through and have possitive feedback. I was told i needed a possitive support system and i am not finding anyone to trust in my off-line life right now...
Please help...

<3
Atheena
Saturday, April 7th, 2007
10:49 am
[rdlght]
Dear Group,
Please excuse the misspelling of little katelynn's link
Here is the correct spelling.  I am sorry for any inconvience. Thank you.

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

This is suppose to every little girls life.

What happens when life is not like that?

What if your life is filled with constant abuse by the people who suppose to protect you?

For little Katelynn of Indiana, her life is filled with this from a father, stepmother and father's family; everyone but her the relatives that love her have been deined the ability to see her.

What happens when the police will not stop this?

Than try Child Protection Service, but they will not stop this either.

The next thing to do is go to the court.

What would you do if the Child Protection Services and the court helped the abusers hurt her?

The media might work but they ignore majority of average people.

In this search for help, several politicians ignored or said stop bothering them.

If these people will not help little katelynn than who will?

Will this little girl have to pay the ultimate price for these adults mistakes?

Now, what will you do?!

This is Indiana's Shame and these are Teardrops for Katelynn


referral sources:

www.courageouskids.net

Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation :: Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories Aired on PBS http://www.mkacf.org/BreakTheSilence.html

Breaking the Silence
http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainment/20051019/CLW50819102005-1.html
http://www.tatgelasseur.com/pages/bts.html

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A NATIONAL CRISIS
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/ 



Petition for Justice for Katelynn:
http://www.gopetition.com/online/5918.html 




Don't let these little abused children be abused in silence anymore, please.

Tell someone!

Demand answers!

Demand the children's truth!

Above all break through this silence for theses abused childrens sake!

No adults rights is greater than the right of the child to be safe!

****Please don't forget us!****


Current Mood: sad
Saturday, January 27th, 2007
9:59 am
[rdlght]
trigger
Sugar and spice and everything nice.

This is suppose to every little girls life.

What happens when life is not like that?

What if your life is filled with constant abuse by the people who suppose to protect you?

For little Katelynn of Indiana, her life is filled with this from a father, stepmother and father's family; everyone but her the relatives that love her have been deined the ability to see her.

What happens when the police will not stop this?

Than try Child Protection Service, but they will not stop this either.

The next thing to do is go to the court.

What would you do if the Child Protection Services and the court helped the abusers hurt her?

The media might work but they ignore majority of average people.

In this search for help, several politicians ignored or said stop bothering them.

If these people will not help little katelynn than who will?

Will this little girl have to pay the ultimate price for these adults mistakes?

Now, what will you do?!

This is Indiana's Shame and these are Teardrops for Katelynn


referral sources:

www.courageouskids.net

Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation :: Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories Aired on PBS http://www.mkacf.org/BreakTheSilence.html

Breaking the Silence
http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainment/20051019/CLW50819102005-1.html
http://www.tatgelasseur.com/pages/bts.html

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A NATIONAL CRISIS
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/

Petition for Justice for Katelynn:
http://www.gopetition.com/../5918.html

Don't let these little abused children be abused in silence anymore, please.

Tell someone!

Demand answers!

Demand the children's truth!

Above all break through this silence for theses abused childrens sake!

No adults rights is greater than the right of the child to be safe!

****Please don't forget us!**********

Current Mood: sad
Friday, October 21st, 2005
3:58 am
[chaossix6]
http://chaossix6.livejournal.com/324083.html

This is my reaction to an episode of Orpah that I watched. It featured a NY Jets wide receiver that just came forward about being sexually abused.
Saturday, September 24th, 2005
4:16 am
[driftinalong]
looking for some advice/friends and comfort
x-posted!

hello, looking for LJ friends and friends in the area I guess. I have a lot on my mind and would love the comments from others, hopefully some advice too. i'm from the dc area.

sam!
Saturday, August 13th, 2005
5:05 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Upset with myself
Heard from an old friend today, and oddly enough, it worries me.

Kimberley was someone I knew back in my high school days, well before any transition, for either of us. We both mixed in wargaming circles and both have a warped sense of humour. Kimberley turned up twice before.

The first time was four years into my transition, when I got e-mails out of the blue. She'd only just started transition, and wanted to come and visit me. I was in Carrington at the time and she drove up from Sydney. It was a tense time, though back then I wasn't sure why. When she first contacted me, she let me know a few details from our that upset me.

For a few years in the early 90s I ran Chameleons - a Cross dresser/Transsexual support group. At one point I was the only one doing anything, like putting out a newsletter or running meetings. Anyway, I wasn't quite "out" back then or had even begun my transition. Part of the deal with meetings was "being dressed" and waiting at a table in a room, which could be seen from the entrance down a corridor. I put myself on display so that others would also turn up. Apparently (when she was still in boy mode) one night they snuck up to the windows, peered in and saw it was me, and chickened off.

The other occasion was when we had dinner with a mutual friend, whom we knew from SF circles. Both of us were still fronting as men back then. Anyway I came out at the dinner that I was going to start gender transition in a month or so. Kimberley later revealed that she was going to do the same thing that dinner, but stayed quiet when I announced mine first!

Knowing this stuff upset me. Putting myself "on the line" meeting after meeting wasn't the easiest thing for me to do. Having someone I knew from my past turn up would, after the initial surprise and upset, have made things easier. Likewise my initial experiences in gender transition. I continued to correspond briefly with her via e-mail and we had a minor "falling out". I guess I felt that she was too familiar with me, and when, following up on that she rebutted some advice I gave, I was a bit pissed off.

The second time she turned up was when I visited a friend of mine recovering from re-assignment surgery down in Sydney. I was glad I went, but my friend mentioned that the surgeon always does two girls on a Monday, and why don't I visit the other one. Well, it turned out to be Kimberley. I was happy for her, but I was also very envious. I hadn't got my surgery at that time, and was upset that she'd got hers first! I know that it's not a race, but I guess the old high school and wargaming rivalries came to the fore. I didn't want to feel that way, but what the feelings did show me, was how strong my need for surgery was.

Later, when it came to deciding which surgeon to go for my own surgery, I sent an e-mail to her to ask about her results, but it bounced. After a lot of hunting, I sent another one via a contacts page that she used to have. Months later, after I'd already decided, I got a brief reply. And then no contact for over four years.

This morning I got an e-mail from her, saying how she was in Britain with her boyfriend and about some of the stuff they were doing, and how she was going to do a web comic soon. Well, I'm not sure why, but this has upset me. It seems that whenever I encounter her in the past, I feel like I'm obliged to compare my life to hers. She does software engineering or some such, earns a good income and seems really happy.

I ought to be happy for her, but all I really seem to feel is annoyed and upset. It just seems like her apparent ease of transition and post-op success brings my own struggles and ongoing poverty into sharp relief. My home and car are falling apart around me while I juggle bills and keep all the pets fed and safe. I still suffer from intense bouts of loneliness, and have an issue about losing my virginity (for a third time) that means something when maybe it oughtn't.

Sigh :-/

It's like Kimberley always seem to know more about me than I do about her, and her lack of action (or sometimes because of those actions) affect what I do. I don't want that - I don't feel like I'm on an "even footing" with this person, but I can't just say "FUCK OFF" either. Maybe it's not really her, but me doing this. So I guess the bottom line for me is that I'm dissatisfied with lots of areas in my life. Maybe she's just a mirror that I use to reflect the points I'm unhappy with.

But if that's the case, I need to look at what it is, and why I'm unsatisfied. Certainly the money side is obvious -- it's bloody difficult getting by on a disability allowance. And my social life sucks, in that everything needs just that extra effort for it to work. I just spent two weeks going to social events that didn't happen, so I suppose I'm a bit raw on the issues. And my sex life is, well non-existent and I have issues over "losing my virginity". Sheesh, no wonder I feel a mess.

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
4:30 pm
[princess_katey]
i am new to this whole LJ thing and only stared one on the advice of a friend that it people in communities like this will have experiences and thoughts that can 'help me'. i have posted part of this story in various other communities but never this as only my husband and 1 close friend know. When i was 15 i met this guy while surfing. he was maybe 23 or 24 and like, the hottest guy on earth to me. Over the summer i tried to get close to him and hang out with him and his mates which put my friends offside a bit. He invited me to a beach party which i went to. he fed me alcohol which i happily consumed. i had never really 'gotten drunk' before and it was a new exciting thing for me. i remember having 3 or 4 drinks. The rest of the night is pretty much a blur. i woke up in the guys van and knew something had happened. I never went to the police or anything but im pretty sure i was drugged. My best friend Archie, who ended up being my husband, was really pissed off at me because i had blown him off to go out with this guy so our friendship sorta fizzled. about a month later i took a pregnancy test and found out i was pregnant. the first person i went to was Archie. He told me he would help me with whatever i wanted to do and i ended up having an abortion.
now, I'm 20 years old, separated from my husband, pregnant and involved with the father of my baby. we are living together in the house my husband bought for me when we got married. He is 5 years older than me, has a steady job, high income and can take care of me well. When i told him i was pregnant he seemed very happy about the whole thing and moved into the house with me. he was treathing me like a queen, making sure i was relaxed and not overdoing things. To this day i ams still friends with my husband and we used to talk 3 or 4 times a week. my boyfriend wasnt too happy about the arrangement and i comprimised and stopped the frequent conversations. My husband came over to the house last week to collect some stuff he didnt take when he moved out. we got talking and ended up having coffee and stuff at the house and talking for a few hours. my boyfriend, Andy, came home and sorta was pissed off about the whole thing. Archie left and i tried to explain what happened to andy and we ended up in a huge argument. he hit me a few times, resulting in bruising around my face. the same thing happened a few nights after.
He wanted me to have sex with him the other night but i didnt really feel up for it. i am bruised and sore and not really feeling too good about my looks so the last thing i wanted to do was have sex. I told him no but he persisted. He ended up on top of me and was quite rough...leaving bruises on my wrists and thighs. once he was on me i stopped asking him to stop so we had sex. After i tried to get out of bed b ut he puulled me back and held me. he kissed the back of my head and told me he loves me and went to sleep.
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
6:03 pm
[dont_trust_him]
Hi, I'm new
...
(this may be cross-posted)
I am new to this community, but not new to livejournaling/weblogging, although that's about all I'm willing to reveal about that at this point.

I started a Livejournal as a way to help me recover from a 15-year-long abusive friendship. He was one of my all-time best friends, or so I thought. He turned out to be a sociopath and pretty much everything I ever thought I knew about his personality was a facade - a lie.

So not only do I have to deal with the fact that he screwed me over past the point of forgiveness (you can't keep on forgiving someone who IS NOT SORRY IN ANY WAY), I now have to live with this gaping hole in my life where this person (who was never really my friend in the first place) used to be. It's hard to accept that the person you'd seen as one of your best friends is not who you thought they were -- they NEVER were the person you thought they were.
...

Current Mood: blah
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
12:12 pm
[sunkistsoda]
PLEASE DO NOT SPAM THIS COMMUNITY WITH PORN LINKS.

You will immediately be banned and reported to LJ as a spammer.
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
11:30 pm
[dagnabitt]
ready to begin the journey
Hi. I just joined.

I contacted a campus 'safe' person (since our Sexual assult support centre's CLOSED, of all things) because I now feel ready to talk. over 20 years later. about the 'family friend' who was part of my life for a while.

well, the memory is still part of my life, let's face it. Although I felt like I had put my past behind me, I have a brother who recently told me about his abuse at the 'family friend's hands! Since then, I've been haunted. I feel repulsed at my own desire to dismiss everything that happened to me as some innocent sexual exploration or playing doctor. I was not yet TEN. the family friend was sixteen, I think. I am angry that it took my brother's revelation to spark my own desire to talk to someone. Did I feel compelled to bear it because I am a woman? I DID actually begin to mention this part of my past to my friends, but I was told something along the lines of "exploration is natural at that age" and it doesn't help that I got a good dose of christian guilt along with it all.

I know that I don't have coherent thoughts right now. And, assuming my campus' student services can help me out, I might be able to get some thoughts straight. I want to be a survivor - not a hider in denial.

thanks for listening. I appreciate support on my new journey, which I think is vital in my budding teaching career.
Saturday, April 16th, 2005
10:18 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Adverse Reaction

I had an emotional collapse earlier this week. The cause was varied. Too much happening too quickly. I had a job application to to do; there was a possibility of travelling to the other side of the country and visiting my family in July; I had two meetings to organise and three to attend. But I also got an e-mail from a Goth friend, who was coming out as bisexual, and wanted to "deflower" me.

I'm a post-op transsexual woman, but since my surgery back in 2000 I haven't had any "hetero" sex at all (and the only bit of sex I have had was with an "ex"). I've been in no rush -- I didn't have the surgery just to have sex -- I had it just for myself. But there's always been a growing curiosity, a growing "itch". I promised myself though, that I wouldn't compromise myself in the process. I guess I'm very picky, I guess also I'm a bit scared, but there it is.

My friend has been very frustrated, a virgin himself. On a trip back from a nightclub in Sydney a few weeks ago, a mutual friend and I suggested to him that he might be Bi. A week later, and he's e-mailing me (and the friend) about his desires, how all of a sudden he recognises his desires for male friends. He mentions three guys in a row that he's attracted to, and then he says that he'd be happy to have sex with me, to break my (third) virginity. All by e-mail.

Argh. On any other time, I might really be interested. Last year I got "groped" on the train back from Sydney. The guy who groped me looked a lot like him (he wasn't, though). That really scared me shitless, but if it had have been him at that time, maybe I would have gone home with him. Maybe, but that's just one of those possibilities that fucks with my head. In the end, I chose safety over adventure. maybe that was the wrong choice, but I'm still here and still "safe".

But once again, the possibilities play with my mind.Maybe he'd be right; maybe I might never ever have another opportunity; maybe maybe maybe... ...and all the tension just increases exponentially. My left foot has some sort of problem -- it's been hurting off and on for the last six months, and now it's hurting so much more.

I was going to go to a nightclub that weekend. My foot hurt - no dancing for me. And he'd be there. I dodged the issue in the mean time, and suggested to that other friend that we get him to go to the local gay bar. But on the day I decided to stay home. I dodged the issue. I played safe. And in the days after that it weighed heavy on me. Then I got some more e-mails from him. He was still keen to have sex with me, but he also mentioned how he'd had a good time that night, and actually ended up at the local gay bar!

That was the crunch. I just felt, well I felt overwhelmed and like my emotions were all over the place. Come Thursday I had a massive panic attack. If I was like this at the merest hint of sex, what would I have been like taking up his offer. And I couldn't help thinking hoe indiscriminate he seemed to be, and most likely I (because I'm a tranny) would be an easy way to experiment, because maybe then he could have sex with a "male" without having sex with a "man". Maybe.

Emotional meltdown. In my transition, before my surgery. I'd ended up in bed with a guy. His pick-up line had been "I need a man", but because I'd felt so desperate at the time I'd overlooked it. Later though, it all felt wrong. Not again.

Emotional meltdown. I took that day and the next off, not checking or answering my e-mail. I was out the back with my pets, with no radio or TV, just with my own silence. And it helped. Then I mowed the lawn, paid some bills, and did the chores. It helped.

And later I thought that maybe I have done the right thing. Sometimes it's better to wait. It's hard, but I'm better off for that (I hope). As for my friend, well we'll see -- I'm happy that he's finally exploring this side of himself, but I don't have to be part of that.



Current Mood: hesitant
Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
10:12 pm
[reinahada]
hello
hello people

i have no idea what to put here by way of introduction. this body is female and 31 ... this group is going to be wonderful. i read the rules and the info page. maybe later i will get up some nerve to post about stuff here.

-reinahada

Current Mood: anxious
Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
8:09 pm
[gidgetgetspms]
hello. this is a new journal for me, but i am not new to lj. the things i hope to discuss here are not for public consumption on my everyday journal site. i'll take this chronologically, as i don't know how else to do it:

i was born. i do not yet know if there was any cause for alarm when i was born, because getting information out of my parents is like getting information out of the kremlin. at age four i had some kind of "mole" removed down there (imagine my shock when they used that same phrase in the book "middlesex"). they told me i was a normal boy, but i never felt normal - my musculoskelital frame was not like the other boys. at puberty nothing happened. i was a late bloomer. when i did bloom, it was hips and breast buds and breast tissue. i could never wear jeans as a kid because i had hips and thighs. i had no idea. unbeknownst to me until just this past summer (my parents played dumb), from that point forward i was given injections to "balance" my hormones. this lasted about 10 years, and i was ASSURED that all the shots were "normal". that's what i get for being naive. in short, i was lied to. about the time that i stopped seeing the doctor who had been "balancing" me, and for 10 years hence, i had unexplained and undiagnosed on again/off again chronic pain in my left testis. this ended at age 34 when my pituiraty partially collapsed. what testosterone me body made also ceased production. that was six years ago.

"inexplicably", my estrogen levels began to rise, and over a two year period leveled off at a serium estrogen level 3X that of a normal woman my age. the obvious physical changes occurred, and i am, at 40, quite female in appearance and shape and function (and by that i mean i have a monthly cycle of sorts, and everything). my changes have been dramatic - considerably greater than the feminization of a male, and more like an arrested puberty had finally taken place. a mammogram revealed normal female breast tissue - not the dense breast tissue men develop. my blood level kayrotype was diagnosed as "normal" but i was never told if it was XX or XY. i assume XY. my enocrinologist spent years looking for an estrogen-producing tumor - and to date none exists. a veinous cathaterization (they use your veins as a highway and look all around your body) revealed a "variation" in the left testis - the one that used to hurt so often. i have come to understand that the testis pain i had was actually an arrested ovulatory function.

i began working with a geneticist in another city who put me on a path of understanding - i am likely some form of true hermaphrodite - the only way to prove it is a costly gonadal biopsy that is not covered by insurance. the right testis seems to have been normal, but the left one shows all the indication and function of an ovotestis (a gonad made up of both male and female gonadal tissue). i have come to discover that i have a split urethra, two tubes, which is indicative of true hermaphroditism as an undeveloped vestage of a uterus. i have been diagnosed by both the endocrinologist and a psychologist as having a "female" brain.

true hermaphrodites typically seem male until puberty, when a female puberty occurs. in my case, that puberty was supresed until the (unrelated) pituitary collapse occurred. unsupressed from the little testosterone the normal testis was producing (never more than low on the male range), and 10 years from hormone injections i didn't know about, i finally blossomed the way i was supposed to.

i am lost. i am angry. i feel cheated. my childhood medical records were mysteriously "destroyed", so i have to piece together this puzzle with no roadmap. either my parents lied to me for years, or were totally blind to what the doctors were doing to me. i am left in the position of being socially and professionally identified one way, with a physiology that contradicts that. i don't know what to do next. if there is anyone out there with a similar situation, i would be grateful to hear from you.

thank you.
Monday, September 6th, 2004
10:00 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Weird Mood

I seem to be in a weird melencoly. I ought to be doing work for my TAFE course, but my mind seems to be slowly going in a loop. I've been reading "She's not there", memoirs by Jennifer Boylan, and it's witty, poingnant, and relevant to me. Jennifer's transsexual, and so much of what she write resonates with me.

And, and, and, something about the writing brings up unfinished / unresolved issues in me.

Read more...Collapse )I seem to be in a weird melancholy. I ought to be doing work for my TAFE course, but my mind seems to be slowly going in a loop. I've been reading "She's not there", memoirs by Jennifer Boylan, and it's witty, poignant, and relevant to me. Jennifer's transsexual, and so much of what she write resonates with me.
And, and, and, something about the writing brings up unfinished / unresolved issues in me.
Read more...Collapse )



Current Mood: weird
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
7:22 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Stuff

Fuck, where do I begin. I scanned over the other entries here and it all varies from deadly dealy serious to almost historical reports. Sigh. Well here goes.

The Killer, the real killer, is that my sex drive has long fled me. I've had the occasional "spike", but nothing else. It sort of puts a crimp how I'm relating to other people when I read of their problems and desires. Sometimes it seems like an alien country I'm living in where I no longer speak the language. I used to, sometime in the past. I have memories of desire, of actually wanting to have sex with someone else.  But, but now it just seems, so complicated.

I still have desires for companionship (and feel the loneliness ever so sharply), but I no longer know if any sexual desire I might sometimes feel is real, or merely a reflection of the desire to be like others, to fit into society (you can't be "normal" if you don't desire sex, can you?).

It may be that this just reflects problems with my car -- it's been in the mechanic for the last five weeks and I've missed about four social events that I really wanted to go to. But sometimes I feel like I could cry a bathtub of tears over this. I did on the weekend. Last Friday I was in a frightful state. It all came to a head over a trivial issue, and I felt all the loneliness and isolation just welling up in me.

Things have been better since, but it's still an issue that eats away at me. It's not as if I haven't complications on this. I'm a post-op transsexual, and any libido I might have just seem to vanish after I had my surgery. I've never regretted that in the least, and I certainly didn't get it just to have sex with men, or anyone else, but, but... ...well it just gets to me.

Ever since the surgery my body weight has just gone up, and I feel overweight, unfit and unattractive. It doesn't help going through periods of deep dark depression. I think after the w/e I've been a bit manic, so I ought to watch out for a crash as well.

Sigh, so there it is. There's more. But I need to think about it first.

2:02 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Hi
At last, an LJ community where I can talk about some things and feel safe to do so!

More later (when I'm at home and in private).

Current Mood: hopeful
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
5:49 pm
[swayaway]
I've been having nightmares again. They come and go and I never know when to expect them. They are painful and frustrating. My mind knows they are only dreams and I am able to grasp the fact that the action isn't real, but I have no control over how my body reacts to these dreams. I am asleep, of course I have very limited to no control. So, while asleep, I thrash about in an attempt to fight, I try to scream, all of which don't do a damn thing. I just wake up with stiff joints, cramps in my legs and a hoarse (sometimes even nonexistant) voice. It puts a damper on my life. It gets in the way. Especially the mornings I have to be at work at 8.00am...
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